Feeling not good enough? Thinking too much? Cannot cope with the current situation?
3 KEY TIPS to help you feel better…
Despite the multitude of helpful advice and support available, this negative issue remains stuck and buried deep inside. Until we identify and acknowledge the exact reason and root cause of the issue, the same thoughts and feelings will come back time and time again.
“How can I change?” “How can I stop this feeling?”
I was asked these very questions by one of my recent clients. She felt that no matter how many self-help books, webinars and You Tube videos she read and watched, even though she knew all of the theory, it was just impossible for her to believe that she was good enough or as good as others. It was impossible for her to stop feeling that she was inadequate and a failure. Especially as she felt she just can’t take the advice for herself, when she happily gives to others.
So how do we go about finding a resolution? How can a Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) session help people to be released from their anxiety and negative thinking?
A Rapid Transformation Therapy session delves deeply into the client’s issue, their presenting problem. Often the issue that the client wants to fix is not actually the main reason and root cause of why they are suffering the problem. To identify exactly what is going on we start with:
- understanding the issue, the client’s problem and how it came about in their life. We look into the client’s background, their childhood experiences and other significant moments in order to fully understand what the client is going through and how it is affecting them.
- it is also essential at an early part of the process to fully understand the client’s expectation and desired outcome for the session. ‘What do they want instead?’ Asking the client to start thinking exactly how they will feel, what they will do, how their life will be changed when they no longer have the problem is a key task before the session begins.
- when the client can express how they will feel when they can live without the problem this is a very powerful first step. Many people have never considered how their life would be without their current mindset.
- once the client’s ideal outcome is known we then use powerful transformative tools and techniques within the RTT session to help the client to fully understand exactly why, where and when they developed and formed the beliefs that are stopping them from believing in themselves now.
In the RTT session we take the client into hypnosis, a very gentle & relaxing process where we can begin a dialogue directly with the client’s subconscious mind. The subconscious mind holds all the answers. We ask the client about events in their past and how these past situations created the feelings and blockages that still hold them back today. The mind already knows why and what we are thinking and believing, we already have the answers deep inside our mind. In doing this we can discover the root causes and original events that lead the client to pick up beliefs that affect them without their conscious awareness of where they came from or when and where they started.
For those clients feeling not good enough; for those overthinking and feeling unable to cope?
Often they find that deeply held beliefs about their self-concept were developed at a young age, whether consciously or not are the reason for how they feel now. It’s extraordinary, this happens time after time. The belief system is the root cause of the issue people face today. Once this root cause has been identified, we go on to reframe these incorrect and unwanted old beliefs. We release and transform those old negative thoughts and habit patterns holding the client back into their past and past situations.
We all have hidden and buried beliefs that have profoundly and silently influenced our ability to feel fulfilled, and happy in who we are. In the session we help the client to reconnect with their true desires and help them to achieve exactly what they want in their life. The truth is, it is possible to access your exact desires even if you are facing difficulties regarding how you see yourself, we look into your beliefs and use tools in order to help you move forward.
With the current Pandemic situation affecting the whole population, feeling stressed and worried about how we and our loved ones are going to cope is a major concern. So how can we keep our head up and feel confident about our self and our reactions to our situation?
3 KEY TIPS to help people who feel that they are not good enough
how to develop confidence and self esteem
1. Speak like a CONFIDENT person
Have you noticed how some people seem to have a more positive, confident and optimistic outlook? It’s as if they have a different way of looking at things? Confident people can speak a different language.
- This type of person would never say ‘I can’t’. ‘It’s too difficult’. ‘I’ll try’, ‘hopefully’, ‘one day I’ll…’, ‘I wish’. You never catch them saying ‘I’m a loser’, ‘I’m stupid,’ ‘I’m hopeless’. Why is it that confident people don’t use these expressions?
- The mind takes every word that you think and say to yourself as a FACT.
When your mind hears you say that ‘I am stupid’, ‘I’m just inadequate’ and ‘I’m a failure’, this is what the mind understands and believes it. When you say ‘I can’t do that’. You are right.
- Whereas if you say ‘I can do this or that’, you’re also right. When you start to use the types of words and language that are associated with confidence and positivity this instructs both our mind and our body to feel optimistic.
- If you say ‘I’m in a mess’, ‘I’m stressed about this situation’, ‘I’m not as good as others.’ The mind soaks this up, giving you the sensations of fear, loss and anxiety. We are dramatically increasing the negative feeling about something that’s still to happen. If we choose to say ‘I’m excited about the event’, ‘I’m excited about what’s happening, I’m excited about the next steps’. This will instruct the mind to feel positive.
The way you feel is linked to the way you focus and the way you focus is down to two things:
“The pictures you make in your mind and the words that you use”
Be careful with using negative words or pictures in your language. When you say ‘you’re in a nightmare’, about to ‘lose control of everything’. Words like this in everyday language will only make you feel that the situation is worse. Words like these, if used often and repeatedly might have a negative impact on your health, when the issue itself is not really all that bad. Instead talk to yourself using language that is helpful and supportive and confident.
2. Work on your WORDS and PICTURES
Take a moment to write down all the words and pictures you use when you are thinking about and talking about yourself and your situation, take note of how positive or negative each word and picture is. Now rub out or delete all those negative words and pictures, remove anything that is not positive. Replace anything negative with a positive helpful word and picture instead.
Make a decision to ban those negative unhelpful words and images from your vocabulary.
For example, if you think of yourself as “stupid’, ‘idiotic’, ‘rubbish’, ‘waste of space’, ‘hopeless’, ‘inadequate’, ‘disappointing’ etc.” decide on this day to cut these words out of your talk and your inner talk for good. Never say anything you don’t sincerely desire to be true, don’t call yourself “a loser”, not even as a joke.
Our subconscious mind has no sense of humour and it takes everything we say, literally. Start to consider the things that you say and think to yourself… are you guilty of making yourself feel worse?
Looking at the negative list below when did you last talk using these kinds of words?
1. I am in a nightmare.
2. I am scared and horrified.
3. I’m losing control.
4. I just can’t cope.
5. I’m not the same as them.
6. I can’t do it.
7. I am frozen paralysed with fear.
8. I’m falling apart. I can’t bear it. I can’t stand it.
9. This is killing me.
10. My children are driving me mad.
1. I am calm, and in control. I can deal with it.
2. I’m coping fantastically.
3. I’m mildly concerned.
4. I know what to do and how to do it.
5. I like me and so do others.
6. I can do it; I will do it. I’m doing brilliantly.
7. I am excited and I’m doing a fabulous job.
8. I’m doing so well. I can do anything.
9. This is challenging me.
10. I can cope with my children.
How true are these negative statements above, do they reflect your own internal voice?
Now turn your thinking around and transform that internal inner voice using the positive opposites. Change that inner language, see it as exciting to have new opportunities. If you feel anxious before any new event. Just think how happy you will feel inside when those old negative thoughts are left in the past where they belong. Those negative words can now be transformed into a positive statement, statements that gives feelings of calm and control.
When you take control, you will find that your self confidence and self-esteem both dramatically increase!
3. Program the mind to SUCCEED
Using positive language when we think and speak about ourselves, is essential. Consider also how some words can have a dramatic effect on how we attach our self to the feeling. In RTT we are taught to change any instance where we attach ‘my’ or ‘mine’ to something that we don’t want. Such as ‘my headaches’, ‘my failings’, ‘my losses’, ‘my illness’.
The brain is reluctant to give up anything you prefix with ‘my’. Anyone suffering with; ‘my anxiety’, suffering with ‘my lack of confidence’, ‘my stupidity’, must change this language. It’s very common for people to think like this, very many people do this. When ‘my’ remains in front of the issue the mind accepts that issue as true, it becomes much harder for the brain to break this association.
Use ‘my’ when you want to feel good about yourself and ‘your achievements’. ‘My improved self-esteem’, ‘my confidence’, ‘my improvements’, ‘my pay rise, ‘my fantastic progress’. Think of your lack of self-esteem and confidence, is this yours? Did you buy and pay for it? Do you still want it? Can you let it go, leave it behind and move forward?
So now instead of ‘my’ use ‘The’ or ‘Their’
‘The fear’, ‘the self-sabotage’, ‘the lack of self-esteem’ and ‘the lack of self-confidence’
As soon as we speak about ‘the shyness’, ‘the fear’, ‘their procrastination’ it changes the way we feel about it. There is no emotion attached to it and it’s easier to become free and stay free of hurt from it. Consider how the words we can use to emphasis our feelings to the emotion. Find that you feel a stronger more powerful effect when you add these words. If you say it’s amazing then say its ‘truly amazing’, ‘simply amazing’, ‘absolutely amazing’. I’m confident is more intense when you say, ‘I’m incredibly confident’. ‘I’m relentlessly optimistic.’
Lastly, be careful to not use words like, ‘I’ll try’, ‘I wish’, ‘I hope’. All these words send a message to the brain stating that whilst you want whatever it is you are ‘trying for’ or ‘hoping for’,the brain knows that you don’t believe you can ever have it. The brain thinks, ‘I know it want it, but I know I’ll fail’. Instead say ‘I will’, ‘I can’, ‘I know’ which are far more positive and empowering
If you are suffering, put the above into practice, you will feel a phenomenal difference.
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand how to move past those deep feelings of inadequacy, where you are not able to cope, when you are feeling that you are not good enough can be changed. It’s a matter of getting to the root cause of why you feel this way and understanding what is stopping you from feeling ok about yourself. In psychology, we believe that 95% of your emotional life is determined by the way you talk to yourself as you go throughout your day.
If you do not deliberately make an effort to talk to yourself in a positive, confident way, using only confident words and pictures, omitting all negative self-talk, you can then leave behind all that makes you feel unhappy and causes you worry and anxiety.
Take on board the 3 key tips:
1. Speak like a CONFIDENT person
2. Work on your WORDS and PICTURES
3. Program the mind to SUCCEED
Apply these methods throughout your day, every day, be confident and positive. Stop all negative self-criticism and really like yourself for you who are.
Know that you are unique and that you matter. If you apply these techniques, your confidence will grow and your self-esteem will increase. You will find that you will be better at coping with whatever situation you find yourself in.
- If you would like to know more about this session, please read the CASE STUDY
Please feel free to contact me if you are finding it hard to feel good enough.
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Look after yourself, Joanna x