Why You Feel Guilty for Setting Boundaries - And How to Stop
It’s OK to say no. Learn why boundary guilt shows up, and how RTT® Hypnotherapy helps you feel strong, clear, and guilt-free.
Do you feel a wave of guilt after telling someone “no”, even when it’s something you need? Maybe you’ve set a limit at work, with family, or in friendship, and then spent hours replaying it, thinking, “Was I too harsh?”
You’re not alone, and this kind of boundary guilt is not a sign of weakness. It often shows up because you’ve been conditioned to prioritise others, avoid conflict, or shrink your needs. It’s different from real guilt (when you’ve hurt someone) this is guilt that comes after doing the right thing for yourself.
Why You Feel Guilty for Setting Boundaries
Childhood rules: You learned that keeping peace = being loved
Fear of rejection: Saying no felt risky to your belonging
People-pleasing habit: You’ve internalised the need to always prioritize others
Misguided empathy: You feel responsible for others’ feelings, even when it’s not your job
These deep-rooted beliefs make your boundary feel “wrong” inside, which creates guilt, even though your actions are healthy and necessary.
Signs You Feel Guilty for Setting Boundaries
You apologise after you say no
You rationalise and over-explain your reasons
You wonder if you “overreacted” or were “too much”
You avoid setting limits to escape emotional drama
You replay conversations, second-guessing your tone or fairness
Recognising these patterns is a powerful first step.
What Boundary Guilt Does to Your Confidence and Wellbeing
Erodes your self-respect – You second-guess yourself instead of standing firm
Burnout & resentment – Without boundaries, your needs get ignored
Anxiety spirals – Guilt about boundaries echoes, “What did I do wrong?”
Undermines your influence – People-pleasing feels good short-term but disempowers you long-term
Boundary guilt and people-pleasing are widely recognised as being linked to anxiety, low self-esteem, and fear of conflict. Mental health organisations such as Mind highlight how difficulty setting boundaries can impact emotional wellbeing and self-worth.
The NHS and Mind both recognise that persistent guilt, anxiety, and difficulty saying no are common signs of emotional stress and low self-confidence, and that learning to set healthy boundaries is essential for mental wellbeing.
How RTT® Hypnotherapy Can Help You Release Boundary Guilt
RTT® gets to the root beliefs you inherited, like “My value depends on pleasing others”, and transforms them. In a safe, relaxed state, your subconscious learns new truths:
Your needs matter
Saying no doesn’t mean you’re unkind
Healthy boundaries are essential for connection
You can create space for yourself without fear or guilt
In practice, RTT® helps you…
Identify the moment boundary guilt began
Reframe the false belief that limits = selfishness
Install self-trust, calm assertiveness, and openness to love with boundaries
Practice new boundaries with confidence and ease
By redefining what boundaries mean to you, RTT® supports freedom that feels gentle, sure, and lasting.
RTT® Client Stories: Letting Go of Guilt and Setting Boundaries
Many clients describe sessions that:
Removed guilt around “protecting time”
Helped them stop saying yes to toxic demands
Boosted their confidence in saying no with clarity and calm
Often, it’s the first time they experience saying no, and not feeling bad afterward.
Breaking Free from the Comfort Zone
How RTT® helped a client overcome fear and step confidently into new boundaries beyond their comfort zone.From Self-Doubt to Self-Worth – RTT® Hypnotherapy in Action
See how RTT® transformed deep self-doubt into unshakable self-worth, empowering healthier boundaries.Overcoming Anxiety and Negative Thinking
Discover how RTT® eased anxious thoughts and negative self-talk that often sabotage boundary setting.
✅ Take This as Permission
If you’re tired of carrying guilt around every limit you set, you deserve better than discomfort. It’s possible to enjoy both strong boundaries and emotional ease.
👉 Want to explore how RTT® can help you release boundary guilt and build authentic confidence?
Book a free consultation.
FAQs About Boundary Guilt & RTT®
Q: Why do I feel guilty after saying no?
Feeling guilty after setting boundaries is common. It usually comes from old patterns like people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or being taught that keeping peace equals love. This is not real guilt, it’s boundary guilt, and it can be transformed with RTT®.
Q: Is boundary guilt normal?
Yes. Many people feel uncomfortable when asserting their needs. Boundary guilt is your mind’s way of resisting change, not a reflection of your character or values.
Q: How is boundary guilt different from real guilt?
Real guilt happens when your actions harm someone or go against your values. Boundary guilt happens when you do the right thing for yourself but feel “wrong” for protecting your wellbeing.
Q: Can RTT® hypnotherapy help me stop feeling guilty for saying no?
Absolutely. RTT® works with your subconscious to reframe old beliefs, helping you feel confident, assertive, and guilt-free when setting boundaries.
Q: Will RTT® make it easier to set firmer boundaries at work or in relationships?
Yes. RTT® helps you identify the roots of boundary guilt and trains your mind to feel safe saying no, so you can set limits with clarity and calm.
Q: How soon can I notice a change after RTT® sessions?
Many clients notice increased confidence and less guilt immediately after a session, with deeper, lasting shifts over time.
Q: I feel anxious about disappointing others,can RTT® help with that too?
Yes. RTT® addresses underlying fears of rejection and people-pleasing, easing anxiety and helping you prioritise your needs without guilt.
Q: Can RTT® help if I’ve struggled with boundary guilt my whole life?
Definitely. RTT® is designed to uncover and transform lifelong patterns, giving you tools to feel safe and empowered whenever you set a boundary.
What's next?
Please feel free to contact me if you have identified with the comments and suggestions above, why not create real change regarding your feelings of guilt, and learn to give yourself some space and happiness?
Just press the button above to arrange a free chat and to discuss if a session would be helpful with your situation.
Look after yourself, Joanna x
About the Author
Joanna, RTT® Hypnotherapy Practitioner, helps people overcome anxiety, boost confidence, and break free from limiting patterns. Trained personally by Marisa Peer, she delivers RTT® sessions online worldwide.
Related service:
- Confidence Hypnotherapy
-Discover how RTT® helps rebuild self-esteem from the inside out and reinforces lasting self-worth.
If you would like to stay in touch, connect with me on Facebook or check out my blog.
Related articles:
- Why You Can’t Willpower Your Way Out of Old Patterns Discover why guilt keeps pulling you back into familiar roles, and how to shift those patterns for good.
What Is Self-Love? Why It’s Vital for Your Mental Health – Learn how prioritising self-love can transform your mindset and support emotional well-being.
Unlock Your Inner Confidence with Hypnotherapy for Self-Esteem – Discover how RTT® helps rebuild self-esteem from the inside out and reinforces lasting self-worth.