What Is Self-Love? Why It’s Essential (Not Selfish) for Your Mental Health
Self-love gets thrown around a lot these days, but what does it actually mean? Is it pampering and positive affirmations, or something deeper? And why do so many of us find it difficult?
If you’ve ever thought self-love sounds a bit self-indulgent, you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: learning to truly care for and accept yourself is one of the most powerful steps you can take for your mental and emotional wellbeing.
So What *Is* Self-Love?
Self-love means accepting yourself as you are, while also being committed to your own growth and wellbeing. It’s not about being perfect or constantly happy, it’s about being kind to yourself, especially when things are tough.
It’s treating yourself with the same compassion, patience, and care that you’d offer a close friend.
According to researcher Dr Kristin Neff:
Self-compassion (a key part of self-love) involves 3 things:
Self-kindness: Being gentle and understanding with yourself instead of critical.
Common humanity: Recognising that struggle and imperfection are part of being human.
Mindfulness: Observing your emotions without judgement or suppression.
Learn more about her work here: [Dr Kristin Neff – Self-Compassion Research]
Why Self-Love Changes Everything
When you build a healthy relationship with yourself, everything shifts. You become more resilient, more confident, and less affected by external validation or criticism.
Without self-love, we often:
Push ourselves too hard and ignore our needs
Stay stuck in people-pleasing or perfectionism
Struggle with boundaries or unhealthy relationships
Constantly compare ourselves to others
But when self-love is in place, we’re more grounded. We bounce back faster from setbacks. And we stop tying our worth to what we achieve or how we appear.
10 Simple Ways to Start Building More Self-Love
Notice your self-talk: Is it critical or kind? Start by simply noticing. Awareness is the first step to change.
Speak to yourself as you would a friend: If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, don’t say it to yourself.
Rest when you’re tired: You’re not lazy. You’re human.
Set boundaries: Saying no is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
Stop comparing: Your path is yours. No one else has your exact story, challenges, or gifts.
Do small things that feel good: A walk. A cuppa. Clean sheets. Little things count.
Let yourself feel: You don’t have to fix or suppress your emotions. Just allow them to pass through.
Forgive yourself: You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re still worthy of love.
Challenge the voice that says “I’m not good enough”: It’s often old programming, not truth.
Ask: “What do I need right now?” And listen. Then respond with care.
Real-Life Shift: Sarah’s Story
Sarah was always putting others first, a classic people-pleaser.
One day, she realised she was running on empty. So she made a change.
She started small:
– Saying no
– Taking breaks
– Being kinder to herself
Over time, everything shifted.
She felt lighter, happier, more herself.
Her relationships improved. The overwhelm faded.
Sarah’s story is a reminder that one kind thought, one boundary, can start a whole new chapter.
Start Small, Start Today
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Self-love is built in the small, consistent choices you make to treat yourself with more kindness and respect.
It’s not about ego or perfection, it’s about choosing to stand in your own corner. Especially on the hard days.
Because the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for everything else in your life. And you’re worthy of care, not just from others, but from you.
Final Thoughts
Self-love isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being kind to yourself, even in the messiest moments. It’s knowing you’re already enough. So take a breath. Put your hand on your heart if it helps. And remind yourself: you’re doing your best – and that’s more than enough.
A Question for You
What’s one small act of self-love you can do today? Share in the comments, or simply take a quiet moment to reflect. Your self-love journey starts now.
What’s next?
If any of this resonated with you and you’re ready to explore how to feel more calm, compassionate, and connected to yourself, I’d love to help.
Just click the button below to arrange a free chat and see whether a session might be right for you:
Look after yourself, Joanna x