7 Most Asked Questions About Confidence - Find Your Confidence, Your Way
Confidence is something we all want more of – whether to speak up at work, try new things, or simply feel good in our own skin. But what does confidence really mean? And how can you build it in a way that lasts, without faking it or forcing it?
I’ve gathered the seven most common questions I hear about confidence, with clear answers and insights based on my work with Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®). Plus, I’ll share stories from clients who’ve transformed their confidence for good – so you can see how this really works in real life.
✨ What You’ll Find on This Page
👉 Jump straight to what matters to you:
1. What is confidence? What does confidence actually mean?
Why You’re Here
Ever wish confidence came as easily as it seems to for others? Here’s what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Maybe you’ve watched others seem naturally confident and wondered if that’s something you’re missing. You might have tried “fake it till you make it” – only to feel drained or like you’re pretending. Perhaps you get stuck, nervous, or unsure in moments that matter – interviews, social events, or new challenges – and it’s starting to weigh on you.
What Confidence Actually Means
Confidence isn’t about being the loudest in the room or having all the answers. At its core, it’s self-trust – the quiet, steady belief that you can handle whatever comes your way, even if your heart races or nerves kick in. When you stop trying to “perform” confidence and start nurturing this inner trust, it feels less like a show and more like genuine strength growing inside you.
A Real-Life Story
One client came to me feeling stuck, as if something invisible was holding her back. Underneath was a deep fear: she wasn’t good enough. This fear seeped into everyday moments, quietly undermining her confidence.
Through RTT® hypnotherapy, we traced these feelings back to childhood, a strict environment where expressing herself felt unsafe. Together, we gently rewrote those old beliefs. After just one session, she felt lighter, more in control, and hopeful about the future.
👉 If you’re struggling with similar feelings, my Confidence Hypnotherapy sessions are designed to help you overcome self-doubt and build lasting self-belief.
Quick Tip
Start a “proof list” in your phone or notebook. Each time you face a challenge or step outside your comfort zone, write it down. Over time, you’ll build undeniable evidence of your strength.
What You Can Do Now
When doubt shows up, pause and name it without judgment. Say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this – it means I’m growing.” This simple shift helps build your self-trust, little by little.
If you’re curious about how hypnotherapy can help rewrite those deep-down beliefs quietly holding you back, check out this easy-to-understand guide on RTT Hypnotherapy Explained.
It’s a great place to start if you want to understand how transformation happens beneath the surface.
2. What is the difference between confidence and self-esteem?
Why you’ve arrived here
Ever felt confident one moment and full of self-doubt the next? You’re not alone.
Maybe you’ve noticed “confidence” and “self-esteem” get used interchangeably, which can feel confusing. You might find yourself confident in certain moments – like giving a presentation or tackling a challenge – but deep down, there’s still that quiet voice telling you you’re not quite enough.
That inner tug-of-war, where your outer actions don’t match your inner feelings, can leave you puzzled or frustrated.
Confidence vs. self-esteem – the real difference
Confidence is about feeling capable in specific situations; it’s the “I can do this” in action. Self-esteem runs deeper. It’s your core sense of worth, the foundation beneath your confidence. It’s knowing you deserve kindness and respect just for being you – independent of your achievements or other people’s approval.
If you’d like to go deeper into this topic, I’ve written a full post on why self-love is essential for confidence and mental well-being.
Real-Life Insight
One client came to me carrying a heavy weight, a persistent feeling that she didn’t deserve happiness or success. This wasn’t about nerves or setbacks, but a deeply ingrained belief shaped by childhood, where her feelings and needs were often dismissed.
Through RTT®, we gently explored those early experiences, rewriting the story she told herself. The shift wasn’t just about being more confident in tasks, it was about recognising her own value, no matter what. After one session, she felt a new sense of calm and hope, as if a hidden burden had been lifted.
Quick Tip
Each day, write down one small thing you did that made you feel proud – no matter how tiny. Over time, this simple habit rewires your brain to focus on your strengths and nurtures your sense of worth.
What to do now
Try keeping a journal or a notes app dedicated to these daily wins. When self-doubt arises, revisit your list and remind yourself of your steady growth.
If you want to explore how RTT® Hypnotherapy can gently help rebuild your self-esteem from the inside out, take a look at this case study on Building Self-Worth with RTT Hypnotherapy. It shows how deep change really happens.
Q3. How can I build self-confidence?
Why you’ve arrived here
You’re tired of talking yourself into courage that never quite feels real.
Maybe you’re tired of feeling stuck in self-doubt, longing to step into new situations with more ease but finding yourself frozen or shaky instead.
You might have tried quick pep talks or “fake it” strategies that just don’t stick, leaving you wondering how real confidence actually develops – something deeper and more lasting than just putting on a brave face.
How real confidence grows
True confidence isn’t an instant fix. It starts with kindness toward yourself and recognising every small step forward even when progress feels slow. Often, that inner critic whispering “I can’t” or “I’m not enough” is echoing old messages from moments where you felt unseen, judged, or overlooked.
Building confidence is about collecting small wins, practising gentle self-talk, and gradually stretching your comfort zone – without beating yourself up when it feels hard. Over time, these steady steps reshape your self-view and strengthen your sense of capability.
Real-Life Insight
One client came feeling drained and caught in a cycle of overthinking and people-pleasing. She constantly put others’ needs first to keep the peace, but this left her depleted and doubting herself. New challenges sparked worry and a freeze response, making it tough to trust her own decisions.
During her RTT® session, we traced these patterns back to childhood, where she was rewarded for being the “good girl” who avoided trouble. She’d learned to believe her worth depended on pleasing others and that her own needs came second.
Together, we rewired those old beliefs, helping her embrace that she deserves kindness and respect without sacrificing herself. She began setting boundaries, feeling calmer, and meeting challenges with newfound ease. Her personalised RTT recording supported this new mindset every day.
Quick Tip
Next time you catch yourself people-pleasing or overthinking, pause and ask, “Is this about what I want, or am I trying to avoid conflict or gain approval?” Practising a gentle but firm “no” can be one of the strongest ways to build true confidence.
What to do now
Try journaling about times when you put others first at your own expense. Notice how that feels, and think about small ways to honour your own needs without guilt. These tiny changes add up to lasting confidence from the inside out.
For a deeper look at how RTT® helped someone reclaim her confidence and stop people-pleasing, take a look at this detailed Case Study on Overcoming Overthinking and People-Pleasing.
Feeling ready to take the next step?
If self-doubt or low confidence is holding you back, my RTT® Confidence Hypnotherapy sessions can help you uncover the root cause and build lasting self-belief.
Book your free consultation today →
4. What are the signs of low confidence?
Why you have arrived here
You suspect your confidence isn’t as strong as it could be, but how do you really know?
Maybe you’re feeling held back by a quiet hesitation or that nagging inner voice saying, “I can’t do this.” You might wonder if it’s just nerves – or if it’s something deeper, like low confidence.
Common signs include
Avoiding chances because you fear failing
Overthinking even simple choices until you feel stuck
Apologising all the time, even when it’s not needed
Feeling awkward or dismissive when someone compliments you
Quick tip
Start noticing when you talk yourself out of things before even trying. Awareness is the first step toward change.
Why low confidence happens
Low confidence often grows from past experiences, a harsh comment from a teacher, a critical parent, or an embarrassing moment that stayed with you, a harsh comment from a teacher, a critical parent, or an embarrassing moment that stayed with you. These memories shape your self-view, but they don’t have to define your present.
Grounding exercise for overthinking
When your mind spirals, try this 5–4–3–2–1 technique:
Name 5 things you see
Name 4 things you touch
Name 3 things you hear
Name 2 things you smell
Name 1 thing you taste
This simple exercise pulls you back into the present and calms racing thoughts.
How low confidence shows up
Sometimes it’s clear, you avoid speaking up or skip new opportunities. Other times it’s quieter, replaying conversations, doubting yourself, or seeking constant reassurance.
Real-Life Insight
One client said, “I always assumed others had something I didn’t. I second-guessed myself endlessly and felt drained in social situations.”
In her RTT® session, we uncovered a deep-rooted childhood belief: she wasn’t “good enough” just as she was. Once we released that, her confidence felt natural and effortless.
Real-Life Breakthrough
If you’ve felt “not good enough” despite your efforts, you’re not alone. One client tried self-help books and positive thinking for years, but only after a tailored RTT® session did she uncover the root of her self-doubt and start building true confidence.
You can read her full story here: Case Study – Not Good Enough.
5. How do you tell the difference between confidence and arrogance?
Why you’ve arrived here
You want to feel sure of yourself, but not come across as too much.
Here’s how to strike that healthy balance. Maybe you worry that confidence might tip into arrogance – and that scares you.
You’ve probably met people who seem full of themselves, and that’s not the kind of confidence you want. You want to feel sure of yourself, but still stay humble, kind, and relatable.
Understanding the difference
True confidence is calm and steady. It’s a quiet assurance that doesn’t need to prove itself or put others down. Confident people listen well, share credit, and show respect. They admit mistakes easily and aren’t threatened by others’ success.
Arrogance often hides insecurity or a deep need for approval. It can seem boastful, dismissive, or overly competitive, pushing others away. Arrogant behaviour tends to lift oneself by putting others down or dominating conversations.
Quick Tip
Ask yourself: “Does this confidence lift others up as well as myself?” If yes, it’s genuine confidence. If it leaves others feeling small or excluded, it may be leaning toward arrogance.
How to cultivate healthy confidence
Practice empathy: Notice how your words and actions impact others
Celebrate others’ successes sincerely
Acknowledge your limits and stay open to learning
See setbacks as chances to grow, not threats to your worth
What to do now
Shift your inner dialogue. Instead of fearing failure or needing to be “the best,” ask: “What can I learn here?” Let every experience – success or challenge – help you grow stronger and more grounded in who you are.
Related Support
If you’ve ever felt unsure whether your feelings are your own, or if someone’s behaviour made you doubt yourself, you might be experiencing emotional manipulation. It’s subtle but powerful and can erode your confidence without you realising.
I’ve written a detailed blog about how RTT® hypnotherapy helps people break free from manipulation, reclaim their clarity, and rebuild healthy confidence and boundaries. Break Free from Manipulation with RTT® Hypnotherapy
6. How can I be more confident in social situations? How do I build confidence in public speaking?
Why You’ve Arrived Here
Your heart races, your mind blanks, and suddenly you’re wishing the floor would open up. Sound familiar? Let’s take the fear out of being seen and heard.
You might dread social events or public speaking because you care deeply about how you come across, you want to connect or be heard, but something holds you back. You’re not alone; this is one of the most common confidence challenges.
Understanding Nervousness
Nervousness is actually your brain’s way of preparing you, not a sign you can’Before entering a room, take a slow, deep breath, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and focus on one friendly face instead of the whole crowd. This simple act grounds you and makes the situation feel less overwhelming.
What to Do Now
When you catch yourself worrying about others’ opinions, ask, “Will this matter in 1 year? 5 years?” This helps you put their views into perspective and focus on what truly matters to you.
Quick Tip
Before entering a room, take a slow, deep breath, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and focus on one friendly face instead of the whole crowd. This simple act grounds you and makes the situation feel less overwhelming.
Building Confidence Step-by-Step
Confidence in social or speaking situations isn’t about never feeling nervous – it’s about learning to manage nervousness and keep moving forward anyway. Try these small steps:
Prepare in Advance
Know your key points or topics. Preparation reduces uncertainty and builds trust in yourself.Practice Regularly
The more you expose yourself to social or speaking situations, the more comfortable they become. Start small, like chatting with a friendly colleague or practicing in front of a mirror.Focus Outward, Not Inward
Shift your attention from how you’re feeling to the people you’re engaging with. Genuine curiosity about others eases self-consciousness.Celebrate Small Wins
Each time you speak up or attend an event, no matter how small, acknowledge your courage. Confidence grows with each positive experience.
Remember, everyone feels nervous sometimes, even the most confident speakers get butterflies. The difference is they’ve learned to embrace the nerves as part of their power.
Client Success Story: Building Real Confidence with RTT®
One client in his late twenties came to me after years of anxiety and low self-esteem in social situations. Previous therapies hadn’t helped him break free from overthinking and self-doubt.
In just one RTT® session, we uncovered deep-rooted childhood grief and emotional blocks holding him back. Using reframing and visualisation techniques, he replaced negative thought loops with calm confidence.
Right after the session, he said, “I feel like skipping. I feel really good.” Since then, he’s gained lasting confidence and ease in social settings and public speaking.
You can read the full Case Study Here: Overcoming Anxiety and Negative Thinking
7. How do I stop comparing myself to others?
Why You’ve Arrived Here
You scroll, you see everyone else thriving, and suddenly your confidence takes a dip. Let’s talk about how to turn that comparison into inspiration instead.
You might notice other people’s successes and start feeling like you don’t quite measure up. That habit of comparing can quietly drain your confidence and keep you stuck in a loop of self-doubt. The truth is, comparison doesn’t have to hold you back; it can become a reminder of what’s possible for you.
The Truth About Comparison
Our brains naturally compare, it’s an ancient survival instinct. But nowadays, that comparison often does more harm than good. When you focus on your own growth instead of others’ achievements, you free your energy to create positive change in your life.
Quick Tip
Try comparing yourself to your past self instead. Ask, “Am I moving forward from where I was last year?” That’s the only comparison that really matters.
What to Do Now
Be open to gentle change. Notice small shifts in your self-talk and how you feel about yourself after hypnotherapy sessions. Consistent RTT® hypnotherapy can help rewire the deep beliefs that keep you stuck, making confidence feel more natural and authentic.
If you want practical tips for calming your mind and breaking the cycle of comparison, check out this guide on What Can I Do to Feel Less Anxious? It’s a great starting point for your journey to lasting confidence.
Case Study: Confidence Mindset Shift
One of my clients came to me feeling stuck, constantly doubting himself and avoiding opportunities because he felt “not good enough.” Through RTT hypnotherapy, we uncovered the root beliefs that were holding him back and rewired his mindset.
Within weeks, he noticed a new calm confidence – he started saying yes to new challenges, felt more at ease in social situations, and stopped self-sabotaging.
You can read the full story here: Confidence Mindset Shift Case Study
Find more case studies and articles in the Related Articles and Further Reading section below.
Ready to find out more?
Want to see how RTT supports specific areas of life? Visit the main services page, click the button to explore how it can help with confidence, anxiety, feeling stuck, addictions, phobias or something more specific.
Bonus FAQs: Quick Answers to More Confidence Questions
Want even more helpful tips?
Below are some quick, practical answers to common confidence questions you might be wondering about. Think of these as little extras to support your journey – because building confidence is about everyday wins as much as big breakthroughs.
Q8. Can confidence really be learned, or is it just something you’re born with?
Absolutely! Confidence is a skill, not a fixed trait. Like any skill, it grows with practice, patience, and positive experiences. Over time, you can strengthen your self-belief by challenging negative thoughts and celebrating your progress.
Q9. Can shy people become more confident?
Yes, being shy doesn’t mean you can’t feel comfortable and authentic in social situations. It’s about finding your own pace and building confidence gradually. Start small, focus on your strengths, and remember that being genuine is more powerful than trying to be someone else.
Q10. How long does it take to feel more confident?
Confidence builds differently for everyone. Some people notice small changes quickly, while for others it’s a gradual journey. The key is to keep practicing new habits and being kind to yourself through the ups and downs.
Q11. Is it normal to have setbacks after gaining confidence?
Totally normal! Confidence isn’t a straight path – sometimes doubts and fears resurface. The important thing is to treat setbacks as part of growth, not failure. Each time you face those feelings, you get stronger.
Q12. How can I feel more confident in job interviews or dating?
Focus on preparation and positive self-talk. Visualise success and remind yourself of your strengths. Practice breathing techniques to stay calm. Building confidence for these moments is about creating a mindset that helps you feel grounded and ready.
Remember, building confidence is a journey, not a race. Every small step forward counts, and it’s okay to have good days and challenging ones. With patience, practice, and a little kindness toward yourself, you can keep growing stronger and more confident every day. You’ve got this!
How do you stop thinking you’re not good enough? – A deeper look at how low self-worth feeds a negative mindset and how to start shifting it.
Where to go from here?
If you’re feeling stuck, anxious, or just out of sync with yourself, there’s a way to gently rebuild your confidence, calm, and focus – often faster than you expect.
Feel free to click the button below to book a free, no-pressure consultation. It’s simply a relaxed conversation to see if RTT® Hypnotherapy might be the right fit for you.
Take care of yourself,
Joanna x
Ready to move forward?
Let’s chat about what’s been holding you back and explore how we can shift things together.
Book your free consultation today and take that first step toward positive change.
About the Author
Joanna, RTT® Hypnotherapy Practitioner, helps people overcome anxiety, boost confidence, and break free from limiting patterns. Trained personally by Marisa Peer, she delivers RTT® sessions online worldwide.
Client Success Stories
Case Study: From Overthinking and People-Pleasing to Calm Confidence
– See how RTT® helped a client break the cycle of overthinking and embrace self-assurance.Case Study: How to Stop Thinking You’re Not Good Enough
– A real-life example of transforming limiting beliefs into self-belief and inner calm.
Related Services
Rebuild your self-belief with RTT® Confidence Hypnotherapy
– Discover how RTT® can help you overcome self-doubt and build lasting confidence.- Discover RTT® Hypnotherapy for anxiety and emotional healing
– Explore how hypnotherapy can calm your mind, ease anxiety, and support emotional balance.
How-to Blogs
Breaking Free from the “I’m Not Good Enough” Belief
– Learn how to let go of self-doubt and start believing in your true worth.Break Free from Brain Fog – Clear Your Mind
– Learn practical strategies to sharpen your focus and overcome brain fog.